First sexual experience with another female: senior week in high school. Typical enough, I suppose. I've had fleeting thoughts that I may be in love with two female best friends, but after having slept with multiple women, I have realized that I am stuck. on. that. dick. I am definitely attracted to women, but there's something about masculinity that revs up those hormones, for me. Despite not ever wearing make up, brushing my hair only when it starts to dread, HATING chick flicks, and bro-ing out on occasions, I consider myself a super duper girly girl.
There are girly girls or 'lipstick lesbians' out there, this isn't the reason why I'm not a full on lesbian. I just...men, man. Manmen. Manly manmanmmmmm. I actually often resent the fact that I'm so into men because I'm such a girly girl. I'm very overly emotional and sentimental, and high maintenance in strange ways. I also love to gossip and dissect people with my best female friends, something I haven't been able to do yet with a male that isn't gay. You know, make fun of everyone you know including yourself in a light-hearted hilariously catty way.
I guess you're not 'supposed' to want a boyfriend to do those things with, but I'm the kind of person who wants 100% INTIMACY. On every level. It gets to be much for dudes sometimes. That and the emotions. Aaaand I end up falling in love and getting hurt, over and over again like there's a shitty song stuck on endless repeat. I really wish I could fall in love with a girl, and I have a lasting attraction/affection for women I've slept with, but I don't think I could committ myself to a monogamous relationship with one.
Not while the penis is still out there. I'm a scorpio in every way, which is part of why I'm so into astrology. I am a flipping nymphomaniac. I know very well that love is NOT sex, but I am one who communicates feelings for someone very strongly through the act of sex. In my sexual experiences with girls, I've only felt the playful affection of a hookup rather than the raw, uninhibited, feral passion of straight LOVEMAKINZ. Now this could merely be because I haven't 'found the right girl yet'. I've only slept with four women, one of them being a full on lesbian.
It was definitely fun sleeping with a lesbian. I felt completely in my element going down on a girl, because I already knew how certain things felt. Plus, as much fun as giving head to a guy can be, it was certainly relieving to not have to worry about that pesky gag reflex. There was a t.a.t.U. [or however it's capitalized] poster on the wall of the two Russian girls kissing so that definitely added to the ambiance of the situaiton. She had nipple rings, which made for more fun/excitement/TITilation. Har har. We definitely hooked up on more that one occassion and I felt a very strong attraction to her, but I just can't seem to let go of my crush on the fellas. I even complained to her about it, I'm pretty sure. [There were a lot of drunken nights]
Now that I'm single again, I would not be opposed to hooking up with a girl again, but I think in the end I'll always go back to a man. I feel that things will/can get better for me on the man front. NOTE TO MEN: I'm not trying to generalize you as people who can't deal with emotions. This is just based on my personal experiences. I do have straight male friends in my life who are mature enough and perfectly capable of dealing with emotions and my extreme intensity. But, I'm young, I'm growing and learning all the time, and my hope hasn't completely diminished for finding a long term male partner yet. Seeing as it take a long time to even get to a point where you've got a good solid relationship on your hands, I won't swear you all off romantically just yet.
It's good to know that there are ladies to love and connect with on our own special lady level though. And maybe if I meet the ~right girl~ I WILL be capable of falling for a woman. But I just can't see myself gettin off that 'dang a lang' as Trina and Nicki Minaj call it. You know.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Guess Who's Cumming to Dinner
I'm a white girl with an overwhelming preference for black men in the sack. I'm tall, buxom, curvacious, strong, and generally a 'big' (not fat) girl. I need something equally 'big' to tackle me between the sheets. I also like to be dominated, don't ask me why. I'm normally a bit of a control freak (unless I'm stoned, which is often), so maybe that's why I like to play submissive.
Black men are generally without contest in their dominance between the sheets, due to their generally massive penises (penii?) and the accompanying 'swag', which I myself try in vain to exude on a daily basis. I remember telling my first boyfriend (a white guy) as he was giving me a massage, 'I really want to have sex with a black guy.' My ex is a champ for finishing the massage, he certainly took my words in stride.
When I moved to Baltimore three years later, where 66% of the population is black, I knew it was only a matter of time. I learned the hard way that not every black guy has an enormous schlong, and learned the HARD way (get it?) just how big a black penis can be. I know how to deep throat, but with some guys it's just physically impossible. And butt sex? Might as well put my intestines in a blender.
I was afraid of the social taboos when I first started exclusively banging black men. The retaliation of black women was at the forefront of my fears. I had heard from my black friends and everyone else how much many black women hate white girls and black guys together. To this day I thankfully haven't had a problem with it besides some mutterings on the bus (I'll have to give public transit its own column sometime). I've come to recognize the taboo as a negative stereotype against black women, whose intelligence is undermined by the generalization.
Personally, I've always been of the opinion that bi-racial is beautiful. In fact I've never met a single unattractive half black/half white person. A 'mocha' , if you will. In fact, my heart was recently broken by a mocha, for reasons beyond his extreme beauty. White and black have stereotypes that range from opposite extremes, so the stereotypical combination of the two seems like the perfect balance to me. Of course, not everyone meets their stereotype; there are white guys with big dongs, there are black girls who don't mind white girls mixing it up with their race.
As much as I'd like to think that skin color is just that, there are definitely many cultural differences between white and black, and the mixing of the two is still quite the taboo. As a white girl, I am pretty stereotypically emotional and sentimental, which can directly clash with my promiscuity. I know good sex despite my youth, and every girl should help herself to a piece of that succulent dark chocolate at some point
Black men are generally without contest in their dominance between the sheets, due to their generally massive penises (penii?) and the accompanying 'swag', which I myself try in vain to exude on a daily basis. I remember telling my first boyfriend (a white guy) as he was giving me a massage, 'I really want to have sex with a black guy.' My ex is a champ for finishing the massage, he certainly took my words in stride.
When I moved to Baltimore three years later, where 66% of the population is black, I knew it was only a matter of time. I learned the hard way that not every black guy has an enormous schlong, and learned the HARD way (get it?) just how big a black penis can be. I know how to deep throat, but with some guys it's just physically impossible. And butt sex? Might as well put my intestines in a blender.
I was afraid of the social taboos when I first started exclusively banging black men. The retaliation of black women was at the forefront of my fears. I had heard from my black friends and everyone else how much many black women hate white girls and black guys together. To this day I thankfully haven't had a problem with it besides some mutterings on the bus (I'll have to give public transit its own column sometime). I've come to recognize the taboo as a negative stereotype against black women, whose intelligence is undermined by the generalization.
Personally, I've always been of the opinion that bi-racial is beautiful. In fact I've never met a single unattractive half black/half white person. A 'mocha' , if you will. In fact, my heart was recently broken by a mocha, for reasons beyond his extreme beauty. White and black have stereotypes that range from opposite extremes, so the stereotypical combination of the two seems like the perfect balance to me. Of course, not everyone meets their stereotype; there are white guys with big dongs, there are black girls who don't mind white girls mixing it up with their race.
As much as I'd like to think that skin color is just that, there are definitely many cultural differences between white and black, and the mixing of the two is still quite the taboo. As a white girl, I am pretty stereotypically emotional and sentimental, which can directly clash with my promiscuity. I know good sex despite my youth, and every girl should help herself to a piece of that succulent dark chocolate at some point
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